2022

 In 2019, I moved to Ireland, in May.

Then, in 2020, when I was supposed to go to Thailand, the Pandemic.

On August 4th 2020 I discovered I was 5 weeks pregnant. Overall a good pregnancy, despite De Quervain syndrome on both hands. 
I delivered my beautiful Anita on April 1st, 2021,  100 years after my grandmother's birth date.

In July 2021 we moved back to Italy, In January 2022 I started working at a very nice Spanish company.

So far, so good.

Have things changed during these years ?

Yes. I have changed. I miss my Gee so very much, and my dad, every single minute.
I am still struggling with my body image and weight.
And I am still here, loved and beloved.

2 years

My last post was in 2017, 2 years today.

I hadn't checked this page in 2 years, no comments, which is good.


My father passed away in February 2018 to Colangio- Carcinoma, bile duct cancer. He was a Doctor, he probably new something was off, we got him to do some tests (we had to convince him) and yea, it was already too late. Too late to chemo, or anything else. 6 months, he died.
And I am so grateful he died because it was too much to handle for him, he asked not to be hospitalised and sedated. Which I did, I did sedate him (doctors told me how much we should give him ) and we constantly with doctors and nurses, but home.
A doctor who does not want to go to hospital...that says a lot!

Anyway, he ell into a coma and lived (LIVED!!!!) another few days, then he died.
I do not like saying "passed away".

In June 2018 I asked for Separation and then I divorced in March 2019.


I met a nice guy and left  London in May 2019 and I now live in Dublin.
And from Dublin, I am typing now.
So many things happened in 2 years.

However, I am still obese. 90 Kgs today (100 last year)

at some point...

 you just have to start being selfish.

I think you would be proud of me, if only you could see me...



You see me, I know you do.. you walk with me, every step I take every move I make.

I love you to the moon, and back.
I love you till the end of the eternity.

I miss you like hell, but came you in my dreams, last week. It was something.
You came back to me.

Nobody - except Hurry- can understand how I feel.



Suddenly, the sun.

heArt

It hurts but it will get better
You have to chose who to trust
Chose carefully who to trust
Don't be fooled by anyone
No more, littleone.

..

como polvo el en aire
te veo y respiro

Te voy a amar
hasta siempre

and when I meet you

 all of a sudden

I crash

we clash



I got you on my foot, tattoed
you got me in your veins


this
will
never
end


us

GR




round shoulders
bent back
you look desperately older, in just one month.

Gung-ho

Me, in all aspects of my life.
Someone should appreciate it more.

Cuando te vas a hacer un tatuaje con mi nombre?








cuando estarás muerto.

Caballero sin coraje

Ya Paso un mes

Delicado y asombrado

Lleno de ruinas, restricciones

Me dijiste que no habia tiempo para mi

Pase' esta noche

El recuerdo me mato' el cuerpo

Me desmalle' sin mas lagrimas

Tu cuerpo enlazado al mio

Tu adentro de mi

Yo que te miraba y no me daba cuenta

Todo era real

Y lo que te di era tan sutil

No supiste cuidarlo

Mirame, Dijiste

Yo te mire'

Y te vi moriendo, gota y gota,

Adentro de mi

Yo tambien me mori'

No hay mas tiempo 

Para ser felices.

Cortastes hilos y llamadas

Y me dejaste a luchar 

acontra de tus demonios personales

No me merezco esto, dueno.

Necesito tus ojos y tus labios

Que tenga el coraje de hablarme

Cara a cara

Ojos a ojos

El mismo coraje

 que me hizo tomar el riesgo

De acercarme a ti

Y abrazar tu cuerpo toda la noche 

Extranos a nosotros. 

Hablando con perros

Perros mentirosos 
en las calles asombradas

El sol me alivia
Y la sombra me daña

Adonde estas, luz?
Por donde te vas, mi viejo?

El Ataud

Como una muñeca
Abres el ataúd, desempolvame un poco 

si me necesitas
llámame y corro

como una muñeca
mueves mis manos y mis pies a tu gusto

como una muñeca con boca abierta
pero no me haces callar
No puedo callar

No sabes lo que tienes en tus manos
hasta que se funde y corre